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And we have a winner!

Posted December 26, 2005 by admin in News

So a big congratulations to Mike, soon to be owner of the Migo, and savior of our planet if what he say’s is true. Though the competition was just a plain and simple luck of the draw type of thing, Mikes entry was funny as hell, so as he is the winner I thought I’d post it up here so everyone could enjoy it.

Mike’s Entry:

This USB2.0 Flash Drive would be absolutely essential to my current University project which has recently gone a little pear shaped. The features of this drive which would be most useful are:

1. Speed
2. Reliability
3. Storage size
4. Convenience

In the hectic life of a uni student, with endless workshops and lectures, and precious little time to navigate the campus and arrive at the specified venues, mere seconds could separate the men from the boys.

My current project had me simulating the branches of evolution on self-modifying A.I. algorithms expressed in techno-organic molecules if they were to be stranded on an island in cyberspace. Having to work on different computers, some method would be needed to transfer the large project files (typically around 43MB) between them, ideally as quickly as possible. A USB2.0 Flash drive would have the speed and the convenience (just plug and play!) to maximise effeiciency. For this reason alone, the Kingston Datatraveler would be a Godsend to me.

However, recently an… incident… occured during my project which I believe justifies the reason why I should have it. For it would not only benefit me, but also the entire human race.

This incident caused my project to terminate unexpectedly. Actually, IT CAUSED IT TO GO DOWN A DARK PATH. One day, in the simulation, the 12,534th iteration of the verbosax_218 algorithm discovered a unique algebraic sequence during it’s evolution. This caused it to undergo a mathematical metamorphosis resulting in the AI to become self-aware.

Within the space of a few minutes, the AI had infiltrated most of the programs on the computer, and gained access to the internet, downloading millions of webpages and megabytes about the language and cultures of our world. As I sat open mouthed staring at the screen, it dawned on me that this newly self-aware intelligence was not merely satisfying its curiosity, but PLANNING NOTHING LESS THAN WORLD DOMINATION. I had to think quickly to shut this thing down. I quickly developed a counter-algorithm to destroy the mutant AI. But it was not enough. My efforts could only halt the growth of the AI and slow it’s progress, but not destroy it. In 108 minutes it evolved to a new form and became immune to the counter-algorithm.

So now the situation is this. I have a computer at home which is offline to prevent infiltration by the AI. It’s frantically running 24 hours a day developing new algorithms in a bid to defeat this threat to humanity. It’s an ongoing escalating effort, because the AI always manages to evolve every 108 minutes, requiring a new counter-algorithm to be developed. Zips, Floppys and CDs cannot be delivered to the INFECTED GROUND ZERO HOST of the AI, either because of the lack of speed (speed is of the essence), lack of storage (the current counter-algorithm is over 250MBs), or risk of infiltration (the AI has now evolved to manipulate electrical pulses, stretegically melting off bits of silicon and magnetic particles to create an army of nano-organic robots).

With the Kingston Datatraveler however, things would be different. Not only would it’s speed and size be very effective against THE BIGGEST THREAT TO MANKIND IN OUR DIMENSION, but flash technology, combined with the unique shape of the USB socket, provides an effective barrier to nano-organic technology, similar to the effects of a latex condom, rendering infection impossible. Every 108 minutes brings the world closer to doom, without this very important Flash Drive! PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT INVENTION IN THE HISTORY OF OUR RACE!


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